Today, the hubby and I got into a little spat. It was about something that is frequently brought up by myself about him that I just can’t stand. Any one else been there? Now for anyone that doesn’t know, my marriage was started after one month of dating and being engaged. We got hitched at the courthouse and three years later, we have two happy bundles calling us mama and daddy. As you can imagine, we didn’t exactly get the honeymoon phase and therefore didn’t get to fully explore ourselves and figure out all of our weird quirks. Also my husband is a man and his whole identity didn’t change the moment he got pregnant and gave himself over to another human being. Fathers are different than mothers and not particularly in a bad way but just in a different way. We have women’s intuition and know every single cry is different than the rest. Baby language is our second language while sports is his. I’m not going to lie to you, I didn’t take my dad’s advice when he said that men don’t grow up until they are way past 30. I THOUGHT IT WAS A JOKE. I love my husband but he is an almost 30 year old man child. My third baby is what I sometimes think as I’m sure many women do think in their marriages when they have children as well. He wants a sandwich, he doesn’t feel good, “Baby my team lost it’s a bad day”. It’s just silly to me. I can’t even imagine getting sick because I don’t know how my household would even function if that were to happen.
Anywho, back to the spat. We got married before we ever even had a big fight and let me tell you I thought we would never fight. WRONG! We can go at it like cats and dogs about who’s right and who’s wrong. But what I came to realize today after our 1,000th fight about the same old thing is that.. I’ve changed. I am in no way the same person that my husband married. Not because he didn’t know certain things about me but because I literally have changed. The things that I get mad at him about are things that define who he is. Things that make his personality and I just wasn’t fully aware of them when we got married, but I get mad at him because I expect him to change the way that I have. When I became a mother, my entire being changed. I became more conservative, no longer partied in any way, definitely became more of a recluse and that’s not how I was when I married my husband. I thought when we became parents that we would grow up and have different priorities. My husband stays up late playing video games while I can’t get to bed fast enough. See what I’m saying here? Grandma married to an 18 year old.
I realized today that I get mad at him over things without even thinking about if how I’ve changed affects him. Since becoming a mother my anxiety has sky rocketed even further than it had before I had children and it can be crippling. That is not something that my husband signed up for but it is something that he’s learning to help me with even though some times he doesn’t understand it at all. I expect him to be a finished product all the time. After I’ve had a long talk with him about my problems that I have with him, I expect to see a completely new man the next day while when he does the same to me, I expect him to cut me some slack because I have two other little people to fill my mind with. That’s one of the big things about being a mom right? You’re so busy taking care of little ones that you forget you need to take care of yourself and all of your energy goes to them. So what happens is you give all of your best to the kiddos and leave the scraps for you and your significant other. It’s a problem and I’m really trying to find a way to best handle it. I’m a mother that thinks my children deserve every last drop of me and I’ve given up my life to please them. Do I regret it? In no way shape or form, but I’m tired and my husband sees the worst side of me almost daily. So, while I’m busy trying to change him, I’m forgetting that I also need to work on myself. He gives me a new chance every day to be the bright sunflower that he married while the minute he does something wrong I’m right there to bring it to his attention. I think tomorrow I’ll turn over a new leaf.
Marriage.. No one said it was easy right?